Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
