No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
