After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
