It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
