when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
