12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
