I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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