i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
