I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
