they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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