): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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