k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
