I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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