I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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