got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize