I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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