Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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