Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
