I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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