Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
