I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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