Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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