Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
More tranny stories later!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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