Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
