My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
