We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
