READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As shirtless as possible
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
