I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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