He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
