now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
