I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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