How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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