if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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