I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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