I smell stomach acid.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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