Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
