I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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