i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
