Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
