I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This girl is more easily done than said...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
