Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
