i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.