I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
