State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"