They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
