i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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