i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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