I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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