We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
