Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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