He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
