There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
