Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
