i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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