Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
