her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
