Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
