I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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