I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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