Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
