puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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