I'm lost and stupid without you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
