Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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