okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
