dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
