frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
