Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
