one two three fourrrrnication!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
